Stains not only destroy families. Often, because of them, friendly relations proven for years. How to avoid this or at least minimize the damage, while not offending partners parted?
Friendship of families is one of the important sources of joy for any married couple. Your children are familiar almost from infancy and consider each other almost brothers and sisters. You often go to visit each other, get out on picnics, spend your vacation together. And then suddenly everything ends: you will suddenly find out that your friends, whom you have long been accustomed to perceive not as two individuals, but as a whole, pair, are divorced.
We often perceive such a situation almost as a personal resentment and even undermining of the foundations of our own life. But what about children, picnics, vacations? And to whom now we will go to visit on Saturday? Yes, how did they even occur to them – to get divorced?! And they thought about us?
They hardly thought about us, believe me, they already have enough problems and experiences. But relations with friends can at least slightly brighten up the life of parting spouses. And they can make it even harder. The scriptwriter and producer Barry Gold shared his advice on how to avoid problems with “fragments” of a broken couple.
He participated in the creation of several popular television series on family topics, including, for example, “married … with children”. And he is the creator of the site DivorcedoVER50.COM, designed to help people over 50 years old, who first survived the divorce. Finally, Barry Gold is divorced, and therefore he knows firsthand what he is talking about.
1. Agree with your partner about relations with divorced spouses
And try to keep each other in the know of any actions related to them. Imagine what happens if you are not doing this. Suppose you meet your recently divorced friend and say how you will be glad to see him on your wedding anniversary in a couple of days. And he reports with an acidic mine in response that actually no one invited him.
Yes, of course, this is just an absurd misunderstanding, the guests were called your partner (or partner), and you were simply not in the know, everything is clear. But believe me, such incidents leave a very unpleasant display and do not contribute to the strengthening of friendly relations.
2. Remember that adhering to neutrality it will not be easy
Of course, you can assume that it will rightly maintain equally good relations with both divorced spouses. But in practice, this is by no means always. If only because one of two will always be painfully perceive your meetings and friendly gatherings with another.
There is a more serious reason. The cause of the divorce may be, for example, marital infidelity or even domestic violence. And for the injured side, your neutrality in such a situation will be silent support for the actions of obviously bad.
Of course, you can say that you are not entitled to judge someone in other people’s relations. And you will even be right, but in the end, still ruin the relationship with those who equate your neutrality to approval, for example, betrayal
.